by Debra | Jan 2, 2017
Working through your resentment in a retreat, can be life changing!
We have the habit of creating expectations in almost every situation. When things don’t go according to plan, we can become angry and resentful. These expectations often get projected on to others. When others don’t meet our expectations, there is often a feeling of loss. Loss then leads to anger, and stored anger leads to resentment and bitterness.
We set ourselves up for disappointment when we expect a certain result. When we get triggered by these expectations and disappointments, we have the opportunity to look at where we at, and where we are not in the flow with the universe.
The real practice here is letting go of your attachment to the outcome.
I can work toward a goal but if I become attached to the outcome, then I will be disappointed if it doesn’t show up in the way I want.
When we are attached to outcomes, we become the victims who have to deal with the resentment and bitterness of things not fulfilling our hopes and expectations.
Bitterness and victimization cuts us off from love and our open hearts. If we do not have an open heart, love cannot flow to us or through us. It is very important to notice how we set up situations with attachment to the outcome. From there we need to work through our resentment before it grabs hold of us. The best way to work through resentment and bitterness can be as simple as forgiving yourself or others and just move on.
Great learning and healing can come from these situations bound in expectations and attachment. We can settle in a place of contentment, knowing that the outcome is perfect, just the way it is. We are always co-creating with the universe to heal our old wounds, it’s just difficult to know it is for our higher learning.
So check in with yourself when you are setting goals or trying to accomplish something. Are you attached in the outcome before you even start? And if you think you are, settle into the fact that maybe what you think is a better outcome for you might not be so.
by Debra | Dec 19, 2016
What does our world look like when our words don’t line up with our actions?
How much power do our words have without the actions behind them? NONE! In my practice, I always talk to my clients about their word and how it can have power or no power at all. Our words carry a lot of weight, but it is through our actions that we can make something come to fruition. Think of the saying, “actions speak louder than words” it is so true!
To be in alignment with ourselves, our actions must line up with our words. It is a good practice to ask ourselves throughout the day, “what am I saying to others and myself?” and “Do I actually do what I say I will do?” If we continue to talk about doing things that we don’t actually do, our words will lose power. What if our words loose power around our dreams and desires? That would be pretty bad. If we talk about a dream we have and don’t take any action, it’s not going to come to fruition. Taking small steps towards our dreams will make it become a reality.
If we say,“I can’t, I tried, I don’t see how it could happen” and our action is minimal, we can’t be surprised with the result.
I think it’s important to be real with ourselves. If we don’t back our words up with the actions it takes to bring something into being, it won’t happen. I think one of the biggest problems we face is failing to get things done. We really believe that we take actions required to make things happen, when in reality we don’t.
When we talk about doing things, either in our personal life or out in the world, we often lack the actions needed to make it happen. This pattern damages our sense of self because deep inside us, we know we aren’t in alignment with who we say we are. This is something we work on in my women’s and couples retreat. If in partnership both parties aren’t doing what they say they are, trust is broken and it’s is difficult to build an intimate relationship with your partner, and of course yourself.
by Debra | Dec 12, 2016
Is Sedona calling you to do a Mother Daughter or Couple’s Retreat?
Einstein said that everything in the universe is made up of “energy.” Every single organism is in a state of flux, isolating at certain speeds, moving with its unique “vibration.” This vibration is within us, and all around us. We are all made up of the same energetic vibrations. I believe that certain places in the world can affect us differently, and Sedona is surely a unique place with high energetic vibrations. Those who live here or visit, know that Sedona is a very powerful place that fosters healing and personal growth. People have often been “called” to Sedona to heal their mind, body and soul. You will experience your own unique healing if you come to Sedona and do a retreat with me.
I have personally experienced the power Sedona holds. I lived in Phoenix for 32 years and decided it was time to find a small community to live in. I tried living in Oregon for a year but felt a consistent heaviness that I was unable to cope with. I wasn’t sure it was the location that made me feel sluggish, I just knew that it was time to move. After the first morning in Sedona, it was made clear to me that it was my new home. I am normally an early riser and on this particular morning I awoke at 5:30 AM with a body full of energy. I was back. I felt totally energized and light as a feather.
I invite you to experience the energy of Sedona and see
how it affects you.
After facilitating many retreats in Sedona, I always notice that my client’s energy starts to really shift after the second day. The retreat facilitates a change in their perspective towards themselves and those around them, and the sacred land of Sedona helps facilitate healing within. Naturally my clients transform.
People are very interested in the vortexes in Sedona because they emit vibrations that are often calming, energizing , and sometimes even overwhelming. Sedona can magnify whatever it is one is feeling. This is why doing a retreat in Sedona is so powerful. Whether it is a one-on-one intensive retreat, a couple’s retreat, or a rejuvenating retreat to relax and reboot, doing it in Sedona will be transformational.
Sedona Soul Retrieval offers a safe haven for doing healing work to shift old limiting beliefs and patterns. I have lived in Sedona over 17 years now, and I am amazed at how my awakening has been accelerated by the natural environment.
If you are experiencing apathy in your life and have a deep desire to live more openly and passionately, Soul Retrieval may be what your heart desires. Listen to the call to Sedona. Is it time to change your life by authentically connecting your Mind, Body and Soul?
by Debra | Dec 5, 2016
How to create a world where we honor ourselves and each other?
I am writing this article to adults and care givers of children to let you know, that sexting is causing a big problem in the world today. This was brought to my attention just the other day when my client told me that her 13-year-old daughter has been sexting her new boyfriend. This is a frightening thing for parents. The teens growing up today have unlimited access to all kinds of sexual and crude things on the Internet. It is too easy for young girls and boys to look up porn and become influenced by sexual related content.
As a country, are we viewing sexual behavior as casual? This is a question we must ask ourselves. It seems like a lot of women don’t understand the harm they cause by disrespecting their own bodies, and allowing men to do the same. Women of all ages must learn to confidently set boundaries with men. And men must learn to respect women just as they are. If older women and men don’t see the problem, then how will our youth learn to respect themselves?
One time I went out with a 63 year-old man, and on the 2nd date he told me I had a sweet ass. “Wow, really!” I said, and continued to tell him that his comment was inappropriate and objectifying towards women. He got very defensive and said it was just a compliment. This was a 63-year-old man that was never trained to respect women.
So what do we do about this? First we have to not allow it. We have to let men know that we respect ourselves and expect them to do the same. If men don’t want to date us because we stand up for ourselves, then so be it. I ask teen girls all the time, “Do you want a boyfriend that doesn’t respect you or other women?” They say no but they also feel threatened by other girls who are playing the sexting game because those are the ones who end up with boyfriends.
So, adults it’s up to you to teach young boys about respecting girls. It’s your job as an older male to know your position in the world, even if you don’t have children, talk to young boys about the importance of respecting women.
If we don’t want a world filled with dishonor and crudeness, it is up to us . Women, take a stand when a male says or does something to you that is disrespectful. Girls, when a boy asks for a nude picture, set him straight. Men, stop talking about sex, like it is a porn movie, and set a good example for younger boys and other men. It is up to us to create a loving and honoring environment to live in. When I was growing up, sex used to be more scared. How can we teach our youth to see the body and the mind as something sacred? What are you going to do with this issue? Will you contribute to the dishonor or help create respect for both men and women?
If you are having difficulties honoring yourself, a spiritual retreat in Sedona might be for you.
by Debra | Nov 28, 2016
How can we use our pain as our teacher?
In many of my Sedona soul retreats, my clients complain about habitual pain they’ve experienced in their bodies. No matter what they do they can’t seem to rid themselves of it.
First, just knowing that pain comes and goes, to acknowledge its impermanent nature is helpful. Most people will feel pain at some time in their life, but it is important not to allow pain to define our sense of who we are to the point where it unnecessarily affects our well being. However, in the midst of consistent pain, this may prove to be a difficult task.
I remember when I suffered with an illness and was in pain for about two years; the pain became a part of who I was. I talked about my pain a lot and really believed it was here to stay. When it finally dissipated I was shocked and so relieved. Now when pain comes into my life, I don’t feed it the extra energy that allows it to become the primary thing that defines me. I look at my underlying feelings around the pain and view it as a teacher with lessons to offer.
My body, stomach issues, eye sight, and teeth have all been great teachers for me. When I don’t become solely fixated on the physical pain of an illness, there is a great opportunity for me to connect more deeply with myself. Sometime this isn’t easy at all. Oftentimes, we try to rid ourselves of the pain without acknowledging the connection between physical pain and our emotional body. Perhaps this is because the deep-rooted emotions and traumas within us can oftentimes be more troubling to face than the physical pain itself.
When we treat pain only as a backache, crones, arthritis, etc., we are dealing with half of the problem. Over the course of those two years, the main feelings that came up for me were, “I’m all alone in this and nobody loves me.” This is what my Ego-mind was telling me. It is interesting how physical pain could trigger such core wounding for me. Pain usually does refer us to wounding that is dormant within us, so be aware of this connection when looking at what your Ego mind is saying about the pain.
It is critical to go beyond our surface-level mindless chatter that upholds the notion that our pain is solidified and unchanging, that it is now who we are, and we cannot change it. By seeing the physical connection to our emotions and past wounding, we can begin to work with the full scope of our pain and have control over it, rather than allowing it to continue to control our sense of self and purpose.
I have worked with many people in my personal retreats that have had chronic pain, to find that when they connect into their emotional triggers, the pain lessens. If you are continually connecting with the same patterns around your pain, move into what the pain is actually saying and know that the message the Ego mind is delivering isn’t the truth and the pain is impermanent.
What does your pain say? Think about it and let me know.
by Debra | Nov 21, 2016
I wrote this for my Empowered Teens and Parents site and really thought it would be good for my Sedona Soul Retrieval, incase their were any parents. Look at how you can empower yourself to empower your teen.
What do you desire for your teen? Do you want them to be empowered, to be happy, caring, and respectful? Do you want them to be able to communicate well and to fulfill their dreams, to love themselves, to be confident, independent and self assured? How about hoping they will make good decisions, be productive in life, be kindhearted, and have really good values?
If so, how can we help empower our teens? We can:
- listen to them
- step into their reality
- give them more praise and less criticism
- let them follow their dreams and not push our dreams on them
- teach them how to manage their life knowing that they are on the biggest learning curve of their life
- allow mistakes to be the pathway to learning
- be a role model showing them that you can handle challenges without losing your cool
Take a moment and think about what stops you from empowering your teen.
Fears and triggers are a big reason why we don’t follow through. And when we react to our teen rather than support him or her, they tend to shut down and stop listening to us. Instead, they begin listening to their peers, the exact opposite of what we want. We want to guide our own teens.
Take a look at your behavior when you are around your teen. What are your fears and triggers like when it comes to your teen? The answer is probably many things. Bad grades, drugs, too much internet, not listening, not respecting their bodies, getting with the wrong crowd, and their well being are just a few things to top the list.
So how do you stop reacting to your teen? First of all, you stop projecting your fears onto them and stop blaming them for your fears. Own your own feelings and stop believing that your teen is the cause of your fears. You have a choice. You can act from the higher self inside of you, the self that knows that your feelings come from what’s happening inside. Or you can act from your lower self, the inner child that’s very wounded and thinks that everything we feel is because of something or someone on the outside. It’s very important to understand that all of our feelings come from what’s happening on the inside, not on the outside. So if your teen does something that triggers you, it’s not about them. It’s actually coming from you, from a wound in your childhood that’s being triggered.
by Debra | Nov 14, 2016
How To Deal with a Difficult Family
It is that time again, the holiday season is upon us. This can be a joyous time, and it can also be a time of conflict, especially with family members.
Many of us have experienced difficult situations around this time with family. It can be especially challenging when we travel to visit family members because we are in someone else’s environment and can’t always do our own thing. I usually go to Oregon to see my daughters and grandson. My oldest daughter chooses not to celebrate the Christmas holiday. She thinks it ridiculous and quiet frankly so do I. Regardless, I go see them because it is important to be together. We usually cook and try to not get on each other’s nerves too much. I always know where I am in my process and clearly see my limiting beliefs. I think we can all agree that during the holidays the tension is definitely higher.
We get triggered the most and take things personally when we are around our family members. What I want to talk about is how to be around family members and stay alive. Clients often tell me, “If she wasn’t my sister, or my mother, etc. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with her.” But it’s tough to avoid your mother, husband or kids.
The beauty is, our family is our biggest teacher. They let us know exactly where we are in our personal development and show us our limits to love. In a family where everyone is doing their personal work, and no one is projecting on to others, one might not have to worry about the triggers. Sorry, I had a little giggle because I have never seen such a family. Mostly what I see and experience is our humanness. We are all doing the best we can, and continue to try to come out of our family dynamics alive.
What if we could shift from our survival mode of “getting out alive,” to seeing our experience as an opportunity to learn?
Here are some tips you can try out this year. First and foremost, don’t take things too personally, including people’s opinions, like the new president. Let others have their opinions, even if it is about you. If you are in a tough conversation you can simply say, “that’s interesting.” Try not to get sucked into the “I gotta win game.” Let them think and be who they are. Love them for who they are.
A good personal check in is to see if you are experiencing any anxiety, depression or severe physical symptoms from your interactions with family. This lets you know that you are taking things way too personally and believing their behavior is actually about you, when it’s not.
Family time is a chance to set boundaries and make sure you are taking care of yourself. This is easier said than done, especially when in the triggers seem endless.
Here are some simple tips you can use to stay calm around family:
- Their behavior isn’t about you
- Don’t engage in trying to win conversations, just say, “That’s interesting.”
- See interaction as an opportunity to grow
- They are doing the best they can
- Love them for who they are (even if their crazy)
- Find ways to take care of your self while around them
Enjoy your holiday season and learn to love passed your limits!
by Debra | Nov 7, 2016
What is your assignment in this lifetime? Explore it in a personal retreat!
Do you believe you are here for a reason? Do you think that the reason is very specific? We all have a specific assignment here. It could be in the field of medicine, real estate, art, food, politics, or raising our children. Whatever the assignment is, we know it to be ours. But that assignment can change over time, and it’s important to be able to recognize the pull in a new direction and to take heed.
“My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.”
―Jack Kerouac
When I was 30, I worked for an alternative radio station and the benefits person there said to me that I always thought the grass was greener on the other side. And I said to her that it was, because for me, it always was. I was always seeking to be better and if that meant moving out of one area of my life and into another, then so be it. If I never made changes, I would have never come into my passion and what I believe to be my core assignment, helping people shift their lives through looking at their fear and Ego mind.
Within our assignments, our actions are very important to the world and our smaller community around us. So, first realize that maybe being a mother is your assignment, and then be the best version of this that you can be. So no matter what you are doing at this moment, do it with all you have. Be the best mother, real estate broker, speaker, mentor, etc. that you can possibly be.
When I go into a restaurant and the server is really engaging and really good at what they do, I know that person is taking their assignment seriously. Maybe their assignment in this life is to be pure love and joy regardless of the specific task. It is a different experience when a server is in a bad mood serving me. It affects my experience. So if the server is passionate about the job and delivers that passion into our dining experience, it leaves me with love in my heart. Otherwise, it leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. Of course, I can choose to not take the nastiness personally, but it still changes the environment.
It’s good to know what our assignment is, and then to know that we have a choice to affect others in either a positive or negative way.
by Debra | Nov 1, 2016
Learning the Importance of keeping your vibration high in a personal retreat.
Sometimes, our beliefs can work against us. Shifting these beliefs can increase our quality of life and our vibration many times. In an individual retreat, I teach how to shift those beliefs. And why is this so important? If you buy into a belief system that makes you suffer, it will keep you, your quality of life, and your vibrations down.
As an example, during the past couple of weeks, one of my core beliefs has been testing me. The core belief is, “Life is hard”. I have recently been left with a non-working phone and a new phone that won’t sync with my computer, among a host of other computer issues. At first, I began to get frustrated, but then, I realized what was happening. I was buying into the core belief of life being hard, and I knew it was high time for me to change that.
Now that I have changed that core belief, in spite of the fact that my technology continues its annoying behavior, I am breathing easier and saying to my Ego/Little Girl, “This is just life, and what a great opportunity to practice my patience and see things from my higher self.” Life doesn’t feel hard anymore, rather, it feels good because I am shifting low vibrational beliefs.
This process works with any situation, person or thought that disrupts our bliss. Triggers are here for a reason, to show us where we can grow so we can heal and vibrate at a higher level. Our goal in this lifetime is to evolve and be able to make a difference in the world. If we are stuck in our own mess, we can’t be of service. When
our vibration is low, we attract more low vibrating experiences, placing us in a rut and causing us to be in a life we aren’t enjoying.
We want to vibrate at a higher level for a few reasons:
- Our body will feel better and have better health
- Pure enjoyment, not anxiety
- We create more passionately
- We attract higher vibrational situations to us
- We participate in the world by being more positive
Check in with yourself daily, even hourly, to see where your vibration is at any given time. If you are triggered, work at shifting to get back into alignment. If you are looking for help because you don’t quite know where to start, an individual retreat or mentoring might be a great place to start.
by Debra | Oct 24, 2016
Do you want to bring Intimacy into your relationship through a Sedona couple’s retreat?
Are you looking for a better way of communicating and feeling closer to your primary partner? Have you tried couple’s counseling with no luck? What does it take to have a successful outcome in therapy, counseling or a couple’s retreat?
First, it takes two people in a partnership who are willing to change, learn and grown in order to form a more rewarding relationship. This takes a certain amount of awareness and understanding of the part each of you play. Do you blame your partner? Does your partner blame you? If either of you believe that the problem lies with the other one, are both of you willing to re-examine your own actions and motives? And finally, it takes a lot of practice, patience and kindness.
Are you in a relationship with someone who isn’t aware of their behavior and blames you for most things, is unwilling to go to therapy, and yet for some reason, you still want to stay and try to work it out? If so, then it’s time to look at yourself and ask why.
For a partnership to have intimacy, both must contribute at a very high level. Most of the participation involves looking at your own beliefs and limits. We always come up against our limits when it involves love in a relationship. This is why relationships are such a wonderful place for mutual healing, if both parties have interest in doing the work.
Critical to a harmonious relationships:
- Two people participating at a high level
- An awareness of yourself and your woundedness
- Desire to wake up to your shadow side
- Practicing the tools
- Patience with yourself and partner
- Kindness with yourself and partner
Most partnerships will not change unless each participant shifts. So, if you are looking for your relationship to be more loving and close, look at what you aren’t bringing to the table. Start working on your own stuff and stop expecting your partner to meet your needs. This would be the first place to start, even if your partner can’t participate.
We can only be concerned with our own personal healing, not because we don’t care about our partner, but because healing our partner isn’t our job. You are only capable of healing yourself. If you want to help your partner heal, the only way is through your own healing. We have enough on our plates with our own shadow side. Usually when we are in our partner’s business and looking at what isn’t happening over there, it’s because we don’t want to look at ours. The more you can see how your thoughts, words and actions affect the relationship, the greater the change in that relationship can be.
I have seen many relationships shift just by one person doing their own personal work.
by Debra | Oct 17, 2016
How can we find our passion and live it?
Are you living in joy and passion? Are you breathing life into your soul? Many adults find that this is not the life they are leading.
Some of the biggest issues I see with my clients is that they are working in jobs they hate, staying in relationships out of fear and don’t believe they can create a life that is exciting and full of passion, and so they end up settling into a life of dull existence. If you aren’t happy, you are the only one who can examine your life and determine the cause. You are the only one who can make your life boring or exciting.
A friend of mine told me that when she used tell her parents she was bored, they would reply, “If you’re bored, then it’s because you’re boring.” Isn’t that the truth? If I’m creative, I’ll find something fun to do. It’s the same with feeling less passionate. If I don’t feel passion, then it’s up to me to create a more passionate life.
One reason for feeling lifeless is when we find ourselves in a dead end job. Another source of frustration is being in a relationship that is stagnant. Or maybe you simply don’t give any energy to being creative. I notice in my own life, when I’m painting or taking photos, it excites me. I also notice that when I give back, I get a tremendous sense of pleasure which helps me lead a more passionate life.
Come find your passion in a retreat!
Another reason we might feel lifeless is not being connected to our higher self and source. Sometimes, if we feel separated and disconnected, we become sad and depressed. When we are depressed, it’s hard to step up and feed our passions and nurture ourselves and our relationships.
If you find yourself in this position, first and foremost, look at your spirituality and connection to source. Then, take an inventory of your life and what you want to change in it that will create a desire and craving that leads to passion. Look at all areas of your life and see what needs to shift. It’s impossible to live a full, exciting life when we feel dead inside.
“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” —Nelson Mandela
by Debra | Oct 10, 2016
How can we see through our fear? Sometimes it seems so big!
Fear can be totally debilitating. It can stop you dead in your tracks. Finances, relationships, careers and health can all be a bit overwhelming. One of my greatest fears has always been finances. Money is always expanding and contracting as clients come and go. I used to worry that I would never get another client, lose my house, starve to death and die. Sounds a little extreme, but that is where my Ego mind would take me. My Ego mind/Little girl would take me all the way down the rabbit hole to the most negative places imaginable.
As I have grown, I have come to understand that this physical world is an illusion and that I am a spiritual being who is capable of learning from my physical experiences. I can thus lean into Source instead of my Ego, even though my Ego will continue to challenge me on occasions. This is where my daily practice comes in handy. If I wasn’t practicing daily and staying connected to my higher self and Source, my Ego mind could have its way with me.
To move through fear, one must first understand it. Understanding our fears gives us power, and only then can we learn from it. Fear says things like: You’re not safe, you can’t do it, it’s too hard, you won’t make it, etc. Fear is full of worry, uncertainty, and anxiety. Fear without understanding leaves us powerless.
The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear.
Gandhi
Whenever we fear unnecessarily, we are acting out of the wounded little girl and we will repeat old patterns. It’s only when we move into the space of our higher self, Love, that we create the life we want. It’s impossible to live a courageous life filled with possibilities when you live in fear.
In my personal Women’s Retreat, you will learn how to recognize and understand the fears you are living with and be able to transform your life. Ask yourself what the most important thing in your life is and how you could create it. Most women I know want to create a life full of passion, happiness and fulfillment. If this is a life you want, call me and set up your FREE consultation and see if my Personal Women’s Retreat is right for you.
