Because we are often wrapped up in our day-to-day life of going to work, grocery shopping, taking care of our house and possibly taking care of kids, it is hard to sink into truly being thankful.
When we do bring ourselves back to what we are grateful for, we tend to count our blessings for our abundance in life, or our families. This is a great place to start but what about being grateful for just waking up in the morning and also all the experiences that might not be so pleasant that bring us closer to our higher self?
I love feeling gratitude for just waking up and having another 24 hours of life regardless of what is in store. I know that whatever the next 24 hours holds is all for my higher learning. It is really hard for most of us to access this level of awareness because we are caught up in the ups and downs of our own individual experiences. When these experiences are caught up in turmoil we tend to spin out and forget about why they are coming into our lives.
The beauty about life is that it does have ebbs and flow, expansion and contraction and gives and takes. So instead of getting our self twisted in a knot over the contractions and takes, we realize this is where our learning comes from. No one is exempt from life’s ups and downs that might have our possessions and the people we love taken away from us. Ironically, when people or things are taken away from us, this is when it awakens us to go deeper into our gratitude and we realize how lucky we are to be alive.
Why wait to be disturbed by the experiences of life to be truly grateful. I find it so useful to sink into what I’m thankful for throughout the day, starting with waking up.
If you are looking for support around loving yourself and others, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
In all relationships including primary and friendships, we need to check to see if it is a give-and-take situation. In some relationships you will find that you are giving maybe a lot more than you are receiving. In some situations this is okay like when you are helping someone out that is sick or disabled or if one of your friends or your partner has an issue that needs to be given extra time in that moment. Although if you notice that a relationship is always one-sided it may be time to fade out of that relationship or address the issue in the relationship.
Obviously, it’s best if you are in relationships where sharing and giving and receiving support is equal. Again if in certain situations there is an exception where one person needs more this is okay. You may have a friend who always seems to need attention and support from you because her life seems to always have something dramatic going on. If this is the case it may feel like there’s no room in the relationship for you and you may need to do a bit of adjusting in that area.
There are a few things you can do in this situation, one is letting go of the friendship altogether, or you can have a conversation with your friend about needing her to handle her own emotional situations herself first and then bouncing things off of you, instead of bringing it to you first.
I feel like when we put ourselves in a position to handle other people’s emotional stuff we robbed them of the chance of figuring it out themselves and growing up. I did this with a friend where I told her that it felt like a lot to me to be handling my emotions and hers. What I preferred was for her to try working things out or to get a therapist. Then she could come to me after she had figured things out and let me know how things went. This may seem unsupportive to some people but actually it is very healthy to not enable people so that they can start taking care of their own emotional needs themselves.
Are you the one giving too much or taking too much?
If you are looking for support around loving yourself and others, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
Our true selves or our higher selves always exist; unfortunately they are hidden under our patterns and fears. Who are we, really? In our day-to-day life it appears that we might be the ego acting out. But is that who you truly are? If we were to live in our most authentic self we would not be in the ego mind at all. We are pure spiritual energy and light inhabiting this physical body.
From birth until around five years old we actually express our true self. We are so connected to source still. Then through the experiences we have in life we slip into our patterns. We learn that we need to act and talk a certain way to make sure that others love and approve of us. Then our behaviors become habitual patterns. Then we act out of these patterns for years and years and wonder why it is so hard to shift them.
It is only through our experiences in life with our primary partners, our parents, our friends and acquaintances that we have the opportunity to work on unwinding those patterns. The triggers we have are like a knock on the door to let us know that there is work to be done so that we can shift the patterns and live in our true self.
This is why I love facilitating mother-daughter retreats and couples retreats, because there is a huge opportunity to shift old beliefs and start living in a higher place of being through these relationships.
The biggest aha moments in my retreats are recognizing that triggers are a good thing for our growth not something we need to run from. Our goal is to live in our higher self more than our ego mind. It is through our relationships that we have the opportunity to heal our woundedness and shift the patterns and behave with love.
Are you ready to shift the patterns from your childhood that you have been living in for many years?
If you are looking for support around loving yourself and others, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
What do you do to fill that void inside of you when you are feeling totally disconnected from yourself?
In society we are actually encouraged to consume so that we don’t have to be in touch with their feelings. This could be the consumption of food or things. Do you ever consume chocolate, food, alcohol or caffeine to avoid possibly feeling tired or lonely? The same goes for shopping, exercising, gambling or blaming and arguing to avoid feeling sad or angry.
If we take the time to examine what’s going on deeper inside of us before reaching for the food or object that will medicate that feeling, we will get to know our self on a deeper level. All of these things that we consume only make us feel good for a brief moment and then we settled back into being sad or lonely.
These feelings that we’re having get us in touch with how disconnected we are from our true selves. When we stop the consumption and just allow ourselves to sink into the feelings, we connect with our true self. When we connect to that energy, we connect to source and who we are as spirit.
Once we decide to go inward instead of consume, we will be able to look at our behaviors from our higher self. We will be able to look at our patterns without the ego mind judging us and telling us to medicate to get away from them.
Boredom is a huge feeling that initiates eating, shopping or excessive Internet use. If we can learn how to deal with the boredom, that often goes deeper into our loneliness, we will be able to show up for ourselves in a different way. I find sitting with myself and telling myself that I’m right here to be with any feelings that I’m having, but me at peace. This isn’t about going outside myself to nurture, it’s about taking care of myself.
When we start showing up ourselves and being with ourselves through all of our feelings, this way of being will become second nature.
If you are looking for support around loving yourself and others, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
“As soon as we began I knew this was the direction I was wanting to go I felt Debra was spot on with where the feelings are coming from and truly gifted me with the tools to care for those feelings. She did such a great job at turning an ugly/hurt filled situation into a meaningful, purposeful, beautiful experience. I love the way I see and feel about myself, my mom and our relationship… Not only with each other, but with every body else in life. I can’t thank you enough, Debra. You are such a gift! I feel blessed to share in this experience.”
-With love, Jennifer (Daughter)
“Debra, thank you so much for helping me to connect with my daughter and myself. I’m very glad that I chose you in this reconnecting process!”
-Sincerely, Julia (Mom)
How important is it to understand your inner monologues?
How do we know what voice to listen to insider head and deciphering if it is the ego mind or our intuition and higher self. If we choose to voice the ego mind we will notice that people will be in resistance to us and that things might not flow with grace and ease. When we speak from our higher mind people tend to resonate with what were saying instead of resisting and we will be co-creating with the universe instead of fighting against it.
When we voice what our ego mind is telling us it could come from a place of needing to be polite or maybe be a good girl because of our old beliefs or a triggered state that just needs to be right. It is so important to understand our inner monologues and where they’re coming from.
We do not want to act out of our lower self and create a mess. If we don’t know when we are acting out of our lower self we will notice that our life isn’t in the flow and maybe a little chaotic. In all of my retreats, the mother-daughter retreat, the couple’s retreat and the individual intensive retreat are designed to help you recognize your lower and higher self so that you can live in a higher state of consciousness.
If we want to get our needs met, our communication needs to be clearly conversed through our higher mind to our outer voice. Communication can be tricky because we are dealing with others wounded self and most people communicate through that part of themselves. So if you are communicating through your lower self and they are communicating through their lower yourself you can see why communication would be a bit messy.
When we communicate through a higher place in us to get our desires and needs taken care of in the world outside of us we will also feel more balanced. It is always an upset when we communicate through a lower place in us and it activates a whole new set of beliefs that are wrapped up in guilt and shame.
If you don’t know where you are communicating from I suggest you look at my mentoring program or my retreats so that you can be clear about communicating and get your needs met.
If you are looking for support around loving yourself and others, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
When we look back throughout our lives we can see how we have risen up to the challenge of all of our many trials. Even though in the midst the turbulence we do not feel that we can handle it and it will surely take us down. The tough challenges to handle are the ones that seem to be compounded one right after another. We may handle the first one with grace and ease but then when the other one comes on its heels we find ourselves floundering a bit.
We often find our selves thinking that life is not fair and that we are never going to get a break from these life trials. When challenges are compounded, it is then that we lose our balance and forget what these challenges can bring us. If we see life through the lens of our higher self, our spiritual self, instead of our physical self, we will recognize that all of our challenges are yet another opportunity to grow.
If you recap all of your experiences and look at them through the learning you will see how much you have grown. So if we can take on every situation knowing that it is a chance to elevate and evolve and not take the situation so personally it will take the sting out of the obstacle.
I have been working on getting an issue fixed with my car for the last two months and finally figured it out and got it fixed only to have spilled a drink on my gearshift that put me back in the shop. This is on top of dealing with a sprinkler issue and other minor things that I’m working on. I could have easily clicked into over well but recognized that this was just an opportunity for me to breathe and be patient and surrender to life being exactly the way it is.
I talk about this a lot that life is just life and we can resist life being what it is or we can surrender to it. When we resist life it creates conflict inside of us. When we can recognize what’s happening and what our lessons are we build strength in us instead of a weakness.
Its important to pay attention to our growth and recognize how far we have come. If you are looking to get more in touch with yourself check out my mentoring and retreats. Through my Individual Retreats, Mother Daughter Retreats, Couples Retreats and Mentoring programs you will understand the patterns in yourself that block love from flowing through you and to you.
If you are looking for support around loving yourself and others, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
How important is communication between mothers and daughters?
The biggest issue I see between mothers and daughters is the breakdown in communication. It seems that people in general don’t know how to communicate or they are not communicating at all. Both of these issues present huge problems in having a healthy relationship.
The main process in my mother daughter retreats is learning how to communicate through your higher self not your ego. Our egos tend to defend and blame others and they always want to be right. So you can see if you are communicating through this part of yourself it would not be very effective.
So the first thing we do in the mother-daughter retreat is learn how you are acting out through the wounded part of yourself, which shows up as your ego. Just this information alone allows for subtle shifts. Once you recognize these parts in yourself it is easier to not react through a trigger and instead respond and interact in a kinder way.
When our egos are blaming and defending, they usually hit below the belt. If both mother and daughter are communicating in hurtful ways it will just build up more resentment and separation. This is why I have mothers and daughters coming to me that are totally shut down to each other and in need of help.
I don’t think most of us realize how important healthy communication is, nor do I think the majority of the adults even know how to communicate. Communication isn’t something that we are taught when we are younger. We are normally taught how to communicate by watching our family members interact. I am sure you chuckled after reading that, because most families communicate in very dysfunctional ways.
In my household nobody talked about anything, everything was ignored. So when I became an adult it was really hard for me to talk to someone about something that was bothering me. I had to really practice this often so that it wasn’t so uncomfortable for me. Others lived in an environment where everyone was yelling to be heard, so they may be overbearing with the way they interact. Either way of conversing isn’t healthy.
In all of my retreats you will learn how to handle your triggers so that you can communicate with others in a healthier way. If you are acting out of your triggers and not able to communicate in a healthy way it is virtually impossible to have a relationship from the heart.
If you are looking for support around loving yourself and others, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
For as long as I can remember I have felt poorly about my body and myself. I remember being 15 years old and slamming my looks and being so critical of my body. It took me many years to come to terms with loving myself. What helped me most is realizing I am truly not this body, I am spirit. That my essence is beautiful and I am a Being of love. When we identify with our bodies and believe that this is who we are, it becomes very important that it look a certain way and act a certain way.
Knowing that I am here in this physical form to evolve and be more Godlike (Love), helps me to know that I am not my body, it is just a vehicle I am using to grow. One of the most important things I can do in this lifetime is learn to love myself so I can love others and be in service in the world. A client sent this to me and I just love it.
Pretty Ugly
I’m very ugly
So don’t try to convince me that
I’m a very beautiful person
Because at the end of the day
I hate myself in every single way
And I’m not going to lie to myself by saying
There is beauty inside of me that matters
So rest assured I will remind myself
That I am worthless, terrible person
And nothing you say will make me believe
I still deserve love
Because no matter what
I am not good enough to be loved
I am in no position to believe that
Beauty does exist within me
Because whenever I look in the mirror I always think
Am I as ugly as people say?
(Now read from the bottom up)
The importance for self love is critical to having a healthy relationship with ourselves and others. Through my Individual Retreats, Mother Daughter Retreats, Couples Retreats and Mentoring programs you will understand the patterns in yourself that block love from flowing through you and to you.
If you are looking for support around loving yourself and others, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
How hard is it for you to ask for help? Most of us prided herself on being self-sufficient, although some of us take it to a whole another level. It’s okay to be responsible for taking care of yourself and pulling your own weight in the world but it’s also important to be able to ask for help when needed.
I remember many years ago how hard it was for me to ask for help. Asking for help or accepting help when I needed it made me feel weak and inadequate. Because of losing my mother when I was newly divorced at 26 years old, with 2 young kids, I learned to do things myself at all costs. The problem with this process is that it took a toll of my health and well-being.
Always being strong enough to do everything and never being able to ask for help or be nurtured was not only exhausting it made the people around me feel like I didn’t need them. It also made them not want to ask me for help because they felt weak and dependent.
Another area it affected was my healing when I was truly in a place to need care and would accept it. It would take a lot longer to recover because I would push myself before I was ready.
When we allow our self to be helped we can also sink into a place of deep gratitude. How lucky are we to have people in our lives who are willing and want to show up for us.
Another part of this equation is accepting the situation as it is. When we accept that we need help, then we can surrender to being taken care of and relax and heal. We are partly resisting what is happening to us and then resisting help. The resisting in and of its self can prolong our healing.
It takes strength and insight to own our humanness and to accept that we have limits, just like everyone else. Understanding the human experience is a huge growth opportunity that provides humility and vulnerability. Both humility and vulnerability can soften the heart.
If you are looking for support around learning to be vulnerable and to know yourself better, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
I find it so critical to carve out time for only me during each day. It can be reading, meditating, being with friends, or doing anything that is relaxing. We act like a bottomless pit of energy that can keep going without renewal. Constantly filling our schedule with a long list of things we need to accomplish without considering how we are feeling. When we move through our days like this we often feel depleted, exhausted and totally disconnected from others and ourselves.
Most of us wear so many hats that is hard to find downtime and take care of ourselves. To truly be big in the world we need to make sure we are rejuvenating, not just checking things off our list. Besides taking care of yourself daily, and annual rejuvenating retreat, where you get away for 3 to 5 days is a great way to fill your cup back up. I think retreats are wonderful because they force you to let go of your long list and just concentrate on yourself.
What normally happens in our day-to-day lives is our intentions are great to carve out a specific time for ourselves and then something that appears to be more important takes its place. This is why I make sure when I first wake up; the first hour is for me only. I meditate, stretch and read a little. I also try to end my workday at a reasonable time and take time in the evening to relax.
Women have a tendency to feel guilty or selfish when they take time for themselves. I have noticed that men have an easier time with this. Most of the time women even when they work they carry a larger load at home. It’s important to set boundaries around shared duties within the family team, because if this isn’t done the burden usually will fall on the woman.
When we are go-go going and not taking time to rejuvenate, we get exhausted and cranky. It is crucial for our well-being to make sure we have enough time for our self each day. And during this time for just you, you will get to hear what’s going on inside of you for your personal growth. When you are constantly on the go your personal growth gets ignored.
If you are looking for support around taking care of yourself, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
Living in our true authentic self and feeling at peace!
Whether we acknowledge it or not, our authentic self exists but unfortunately it is hidden under our limiting beliefs and fears. It is only through the recognition of these fears and beliefs that we can truly live in our authentic self.
I had a client today asked me why we would put so much emphasis on her limiting beliefs? She was curious if that would only bring them up more. I told her that if she is not fully aware of these beliefs, she will act out of them even if her intentions are not to. It’s critical to know what your belief system is so that you can start shifting them to a more positive belief, thereby shifting your entire life.
What I have noticed with the law of attraction is if you have an underlying belief that goes against what you are trying to attract it simply won’t matter how much you try to bring something to you, it won’t happen because of your underlying belief system. Let’s say you have a belief that you have to work hard for money or you have to do what I don’t love for money. If you are working with the law of attraction trying to attract money, it will be very difficult to do so with these belief systems in play.
So we need to uncover what our belief systems are so that we don’t act out of them and co-create with the universe, we can live out of our true authentic self. When we are acting out of our wounding or old belief system, we are in our ego mind, which is not who we are. When we have done our healing and shifted our beliefs, we undercover who we are.
When we live in our higher self we are in alignment with our true self and we feel like we are in the flow of life instead of feeling blocked.
If you are looking for support around being more conscious, check out my retreats and mentoring. The individual intensive, the couples retreat, or the mother-daughter retreat, you will learn about yourself and how to clean up your past so you can move through this life with love and passion.
