The difficult times in life, are just opportunities!
Every time something happens in my life that causes a constriction, the first thing I do is look at what my learning might be. I know how hard it is to maintain a positive attitude when things aren’t going our way. I know I used to believe that when bad things happen to me that God or Source didn’t love me. When things were going right for me I thought that maybe I had done something right and the universe was rewarding me.
Well those beliefs are long gone. I now know that it is through our tough times that we do our spiritual growth. God wants what’s best for us, which is our evolution; situations presented for our higher learning. Just as a young child, we do not benefit from getting everything we want, we benefit through difficulty because it helps us grow and learn. If we can remember this through those difficult times, the suffering won’t be as extreme.
The world is full of hardship and difficulty for a lot of human beings; we are not the only ones. The collective consciousness is shifting at a rapid pace and therefore can exacerbate whatever we are feeling. It does help to realize that the difficult times that we have are impermanent as well as the easy times. When we are feeling overwhelmed, letting ourselves know that this too will pass helps.
If your life has been full of nothing going right for a long period of time it’s not a bad idea to really examine your life and see if there’s changes that can be in made on a physical level to help. I always go inside first and look at my learning and do the healing necessary to shift my own beliefs and then I look at what I might be able to do on a physical level to shift things.
Just this week, my dryer, Jacuzzi, bathroom drain, vacuum and electrical circuit went awry, while I have been dealing with some physical issues as well. Now I could get pretty wiggy about all of this or I could go inside and look at what old beliefs I’m buying into about how I feel about it. Then of course I make the necessary calls to get things repaired and keep moving forward in my life.
These situations can either take me down or allow for growth in my life, my choice. I noticed when I don’t go inward when things like this happen I tend to go down the rabbit hole. So use these experiences as an opportunity to grow and evolve and no that this too will pass.
Allowing our self the time needed to rejuvenate, reflect and heal is always a powerful way to process our issues in our lives. The best way I know of to do this is to find a retreat that’s right for you. The minute we scheduled a retreat and our intentions are set to heal, the healing process begins. During a personal retreat you will learn to go deeper into yourself and your spirit.
We all experience the world differently because we have all experienced the world differently. It’s so important to pick a retreat that fits your needs and is right for you. When looking for a personal retreat first think about what it is you are looking for in a retreat. Are you looking for rejuvenation retreat to relax or are you looking for an intensive retreat where you get down to business and learn how to shift old patterns. After thinking about what it is you are looking for in the retreat then you can start searching.
A retreat is a time of serious soul-searching even if you’ve committed to a relaxing retreat. Things will still come up no matter what retreat you pick is part of the unfolding. Most retreats encourage going deep inside of yourself, and this can be uncomfortable if you aren’t prepared.
I find talking to the person that’s going to be facilitating the retreat important so you can get a feel for who they are. If anything uneasy comes up while talking to them, look at that. You are putting a lot of trust in the retreat facilitator and you need to feel safe. When we feel safe in a retreat it allows our heart to stay open which allows deep shifts to happen. Amazing healing and transformation can happen in the right environment during a personal retreat that will give us great insights to who we are.
I love doing retreats! Whether it is a individual, mother-daughter, or couples retreat, it’s wonderful to be in the presence of miracles happening.
I want to wish you a Happy Holiday Season. I am so grateful for you being in my life at all levels. Whether you are a client or a reader of my blogs to help you aide in your personal growth. I love that there is a growing community of people wanting to be the best version of them selves. I have learned so much about myself through mentoring and writing my blogs. I feel so fortunate that I am able to do what I love while grow my awareness around my own life. Thank you for being in my life. Now here is a gift to you on how to keep your sanity during the holiday season.
The tools that you learn in my personal retreats help you create a stress free environment not only during the holidays but in your everyday life as well. The major stress creator is when our inner child gets triggered and we are unable to sit with the feelings around it. When were not able to sit with the feelings our ego mind comes in and takes action to make the feelings go away. The problem with this is that the ego doesn’t actually fix the problem it makes the problem worse.
Let’s take a holiday situation and see what I’m talking about. You are with your family enjoying the day and one family member makes a comment about something you did that bothered them. If you can explore the feelings that are coming up for you and not act out of them through the ego mind, the situation usually diffuses. It’s only when your ego mind starts to defend your behavior or turning it back on them that the fire with the situation really gets going. So just saying to that person “that’s an interesting way to see things.” Then you say nothing more and go about your day.
Maybe go into another room and let your ego know that that is not the way you see things as well and then sit a bit with your feelings of maybe anger, hurt or what ever they are.
The holiday season is always a time of great pleasure and a time of distress. Keep an eye out for your reactions to situations because it will be a wonderful time of important learning if you don’t let your ego mind run wild.
Our families are our biggest teachers, if we choose to look at our feelings and not act out of them!
Meditation and breathing have become a critical part of my personal retreats because of the advantages they produce.
In my personal retreats a very important element is meditation. There are many different ways to meditate. Some of my favorites are transcendental meditation; verbalizing a mantra or primordial sound, diaphragm breathing or focusing on an item and bringing your mind back to your breath whenever it is thinking or visualization meditation.
The benefits of meditation:
Reduces stress
Improves concentration
Slows aging
Create a healthy lifestyle
Increases self-awareness
Increases joy and happiness
Benefits cardiovascular and immune health
Increases patience
Helps with sleep
Increases energy
Aids in digestion
Better circulation
These are just a few advantages of deliberate reflection. One of the meditations I like and believe to be one of the most beneficial is concentrating on our breathing. While we are breathing making sure we are breathing from our diaphragm not our chest. I have been reading a lot about the benefits of oxygen in our system and what I noticed was that I was breathing wrong probably 50% of the time.
Breathing properly allows for proper oxygen flow, so during meditation it’s important to pay attention to your breathing, making sure your breathing through your diaphragm not your chest. If you have been breathing through your chest it will take some time to train yourself to breathe your diaphragm. The benefits of meditating while breathing through our diaphragm are twofold. We will get all the benefits of meditation and also get the benefits of creating more oxygen in our system.
In many of my retreats teaching meditation is a critical part to calming the nervous system down so that my client can be in a more relaxed state to see her situation. Meditation along with learning how to breathe properly supports a healthy, happy life. My personal retreats will help you create a more peaceful life.
What would it look like to be more connected to yourself and your partner?
Something I hear from clients a lot is that they want a deeper relationship with their partner or they aren’t willing to go into a relationship unless it offers some depth.
I personally have been in a few relationships that were fun and I learned a lot about myself, but they weren’t holy. I love what Marianne Williamson says about the Holy relationship.
Relationships are hospitals for the sole. Stuff comes up when we are unhealed. Can we be better versions of ourselves? Can we have compassion? Relationships are assignments for maximum growth. A holy and wholey relationship you take responsibility for yourself. In a wholey relationship you all ready know you are complete in who you are. Sometimes they have the most to teach us.
I love this because what it is saying is that if I am whole as a person, owning my own woundedness and triggers, and know that I am okay without a partner, then and only then can I enter into a holy relationship.
The purpose of relationship is to evolve, to grow to become the best version of yourself. Primary relationships bring up all of our unhealed wounds. If we aren’t willing to look at our self and do the work necessary, it will be impossible to take it to the next level in a relationship. The intensity of being in partnership may be way too much if you haven’t done the basic work on your self. If you have been working a bit on yourself it will be easier to do the work while in a partnership.
I have worked with many couple in my Couples Retreat where one partner has done a fair amount of work and the other hasn’t and the retreat helps them shift into doing more work on themselves and therefore being able to do deeper work together.
Just being in relationship brings up all of our deep trauma because that’s what Spirit wants for us. Spirit wants us to become wholey and heal, so if you are in a relationship that pushes your buttons, that’s where you need to be. Everything in our life is for the purpose of healing.
If you are in a relationship where you have conflict or you’re just not connecting, my couples retreat may be a great opportunity for you both to do your individual work and your deeper work as a couple.
When we step back and do our spiritual work first to get the answers, the answers will come from love and it usually is a win win situation.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the situation that it’s hard to get the answers we need while swirling around in the drama. Have you ever been in a situation where you’re in this fight or flight and you can’t see the forest through the trees? This is what happens when we put our attention on the situation instead of going inside with our feelings.
Most of the time it takes us stepping outside of the situation, and just breathing to really see what’s going on. There are always signals whether it be mental, emotional or physical that let us know that we need to slow down, stop and look at what’s going on with inside and not the outside.
I find it impossible to figure things out when I am in the emotional drama of the situation. It’s only when I relax and check in with how I’m feeling, how that inner child is feeling and tend to those feelings before I can look at the outside situation with any maturity.
The first thing I do is to check in with that little girl and her feelings and then I hold her and validate those feelings. I also look at the old beliefs that are attached to those feelings and let her know that those old beliefs are simply not true. Whether it is that I’m not safe in the world, I’m not good enough or I’m not in control. When I have allowed the feelings to be there and nurtured that part of myself I notice a calm come in. It is only after I do this part that I can really look at any situation from my higher more mature self.
If you do not have a daily practice that reminds you to check in with this part of yourself daily, you will go on autopilot and just act out of that fight or flight place which is your ego mind. If we are acting out of that ego mind we will usually cause a bit of a shit storm.
If I’m in the habit of checking in with myself through my emotional body first I am more apt to not act out my frenetic ego mind that is in a panic. After I have calmed the emotional body down I will be able to make these decisions from a more peaceful place inside me.
Learning how to be a good man first at Sedona Soul Retreats, might be a good start.
As parents or grandparents do we have a responsibility to teach boys certain things to guarantee they develop into good men? It’s funny because a friend of mine has 2 boys and I remember thinking how lucky she was not to be raising girls, like me. Now, when I think about the responsibilities of raising boys in this environment that we live in, it seems like a bigger task. I mentor teens and parents and I’m shocked at the lack of guidance there is around boys.
As parents you don’t just have the worry about getting a girl pregnant, you should be concerned with how he is learning how to honor and respect women. With the political situation the way it is today, I’m afraid that boys are learning more about using girls than respecting them.
This is a call out to anyone influencing young boys, whether it is parents, grandparents, educators, or mentors, we have to know our responsibilities to the boys, especially fathers or other male role models.
We need your help to raise up good, respectful boys. I challenge you to look at where you might have opportunities to influence a young boy. If you are thinking that I should also be addressing young girls, well, I do, with every blog that I write. It is mostly guiding teen girls. Even though I don’t market to boys or men, I see a fair amount of them and I know how important they are.
Here are some key points to raising conscious, respectful, self-aware boys.
Teach Them:
What the importance of a relationship is.
How special girls/women are.
How special people are.
How their behaviors affect the world.
How to communicate face to face.
How sacred sex is.
How to honor and treat girls with respect.
Ask them what they want in life and how they are going to achieve it.
Respect yourself!
These tips could also be directed at girls. I would have never thought that I would see such a gap between my daughters age 40 and teens, but there is. Possibly the biggest gap there has ever been. I believe parents and educators are totally baffled by what to do with educating teens on life skills because it feels like it has gone past the point of no return.
It’s going to take the conscious adults to get busy and guide these teens and for parents to start setting limits, even though none of the other parents are willing to. I feel like this is a serious matter and will only get worse if we don’t address it. So, I am hoping that anyone with influence will take a stand.
Do you know yourself well enough to listen to your Inner Knowing, This is the essence of my work during your Sedona Retreat with me.
As long as I can remember, I have had this inner feeling of knowing. It has taken me a long time to learn how to tune into this place and listen. I used to get the feeling inside my body of just being off and instead of tuning in and seeing where that awfulness came from I would just make a decision without going inward.
We have inside of us this wisdom that we could not unlearn if we wanted to, although we need to learn how to tap into this knowing. If we could just be present with how we are feeling at every given moment we would find our answers right inside of us. The problem is that if we are on autopilot, moving through our day without tapping into that inner knowing we will be making all of our decisions from an unconscious place.
It is so important that we value this wise place our self.
This inner knowing is never swayed by outside influences, which means it will never ask us to go against our value system. Usually when we have an uneasy feeling inside, looking at that feeling and where it comes from we will see that a decision is on the table that might be out of alignment with who we are. We have this beautiful barometer right inside of us in regards to our life, it’s just sometimes we don’t utilize it.
When we are unsure about a decision we have to make, trusting someone, or knowing how we should respond to someone, we can find the answers right inside of us. If we can just get still for a moment and go inward it’s amazing how clear things are.
I Remember when I was in my 20s and early 30s how I would always turn to others to help me make decisions in my life. Not just big decisions but a lot of my decisions. It wasn’t until I learned to sink into this inner knowing and start making those decisions through that place instead of on my own or by listening to someone else.
In my Sedona retreat, I will teach you how to know yourself so well that it will be natural to allow that inner knowing to step in and make decisions. When we start listening to this inner knowing the world opens up to us in a more expansive way and we can recognize our true potential in this life.
How often are you having regret and would like to learn about it in a Sedona Retreat?
How many things in your life can you look back on a say “If I would have done that differently, it would have been way better?” If you would have sold your house a year earlier, bought investment property when the market was low, communicated better on a previous relationship, or maybe not spent money on a certain item. The list can go on and on.
When we live in regret we are living in the past. It doesn’t leave room for being in the present moment at all. It is tough enough to have enough energy to be here in this moment without constantly having the past nag us. If we are always giving energy to a past experience, we won’t have much to give to the present moment.
Forgiveness is key to letting go of regret. If we can forgive others and our selves, we won’t have anything to regret. Forgiving our self for not knowing about the market to make better financial decisions, forgiving our self for our communication skills not being the best and understand that we are human, living in an unpredictable life. Always giving ourselves some leeway to make mistakes and learn from them, knowing we will.
This way regret looks different. It looks more like gratitude for a learning to move forward in a more conscious way in the future. We can see it differently. Instead of something that happened that was bad, it could be an experience to teach us. Once we have learned from it, we can go on to help others learn from similar situations.
I think it’s important to always be looking at what our mind is telling us. Usually it is her mind that is caught up in regret. In my Sedona retreat you will learn how to forgive, how to eliminate regret and how to live in the present moment. By keeping our mind in this moment and not in the past or the future allows us to have enough energy for our physical and emotional healing and well being in this moment.
Are you stronger than we think or are you hanging on by a thread?
Just when we think we can’t take it anymore, life pushes us a little further and we come out the other end. We all have times in her life where we feel like we couldn’t possibly handle anymore and we can’t go on. Sometimes after just making it over a huge obstacle we find another one waiting for us. We barely have time to catch our breath before moving on to the next hurdle.
When I look back on the trials and tribulations of my own life I realize what a strong person I am. In this moment of looking back I have the opportunity of seeing these trials and tribulations as either tough times just to make it through or opportunities for growth. It is easy to become a victim when we look at how tough our lives are. If we don’t shift our perspective, how we see things, life can seem way too challenging.
In my Sedona retreat we actually use lives challenges to shift old beliefs to do our inner healing. It’s just a different way of looking at the hardships of life. The tougher the experiences are, the grander the opportunity will be to grow. If we choose to be victims through our hardships the opportunity for growth will be lost. It is only in our using life’s experiences that we will have the chance to heal.
If we are paying attention to every situation in the present moment a breakthrough will be more likely. If we are asleep in life tough things happen to us, we see our self as a victim, and so goes the vicious circle. Life will keep delivering us exactly what we need to do our healing so when we are asleep and not paying attention it will have to deliver the same lessons over and over again.
It is through all of these experiences that we gain strength and become more empowered. It would’ve been easy for me going through what I went through as a child and young adult to see life as cruel and way too hard to handle. And if I had that mindset I would have been a very disempowered person. It is only through seeing things as a chance to heal, which gave me the opportunity to become empowered.
This isn’t saying that life is a piece of cake. Life can be tough and we need to have compassion and loving-kindness for ourselves in each of these moments.
In my Sedona Retreat you will learn how to response from a place of pease and not react from your ego mind. Have you ever heard the phrase “That which you resist persists?” When we resist we actually strengthen what we are opposing. We give power to the very thing we are trying to get away from.
Have you ever noticed how sometimes the same issue we have, keeps coming back over and over no matter how much we pretend like it’s not there. Or maybe it’s because we are pushing up against that issue that keeps returning. So not only does what we resist gain strength and power but the resistance keeps us from learning what we are intended to learn from the experience.
We have two different paths we can take when something comes into our energetic field that makes us being resistance. The first one is allowing our unconscious mind to translate what’s happening in the outer world, listening to our ego mind and act out of what it tells us to do. For a short moment we have relief but then end up feeling bad and anxious.
The second way is to pause, take a deep breath, watch our thoughts, let go of the story of our thoughts, let the thoughts pass, allow the feelings to arise, let the feelings pass and respond in a non-triggered way.
The latter of these two examples allows us to heal what we are resisting; where-as the first option keeps it coming back. In my individual Sedona retreat you will learn how to take each experience in your life and surrender and heal by making better choices and not resisting.
Surrendering is all about slowing down, pausing, breathing and paying attention to what our storyline is and realizing it’s our ego mind and not to act out of it. If we are on autopilot daily and not paying attention to our thoughts, we will get triggered and act out. Most people don’t even realize how much the reacting and not responding through surrendering. This is why coming to my Sedona retreat will help you maintain a place of calm and peace.
Are you thinking about doing a Sedona retreat with your adult daughters, yourself or your partner?
What happens with mothers and daughters through the teenage years when issues don’t get resolved in the best fashion? I know that the work I do with moms and their teenage daughters is extremely powerful for not just the relationship but also the way that the teen shows up in life. When there are unresolved issues throughout the teenage years, it can leak into the adult years and ruin the adult mother daughter relationship. I have had many adult daughters reaching out to me wanting to heal their relationship with their mothers.
The work I do with adult daughters as opposed to teenagers is completely different. Teenagers are still in the wounding pattern and not ready for healing. I can do amazing work with teenagers on helping with their self-esteem, how to manage their life, and how to negate the negative voice inside their head. When it comes to the work I do with the adult daughters and mothers, it is very advanced and goes very deep. This work will not only help them with the relationship with their mother but will also help them with all relationships in their life.
I just wrapped up an adult daughter and mother retreat that was so life changing. The daughter admitted that she was only coming because she thought her mother needed the work and not her. Here is her testimonial after the retreat.
When my mom signed us up for this retreat, I initially was only doing it for her benefit. I knew we had difficulty getting along, but I thought she was the one who needed to change in order to better our relationship. In just three days, however, I realized that was the furthest thing from correct. Debra really opened up my eyes to how we all contribute to every unhealthy relationship we have, and I started to see things differently with not only my mom but my whole outlook on life. There were times when I was skeptical of trying her method, but Debra was always calm and let me work at my own pace. When I didn’t understand the concept completely, she was able to explain things in a way that both my mom and I understood. The whole weekend was life changing and I recommend it for anyone who is interested in bettering their life in any aspect. Debra is an amazing person and very accommodating to every situation. Whether you are in a difficult spot or just want to learn more about yourself, I don’t think there is anyone who wouldn’t extremely benefit from this retreat.
– Darrian
The work that I do is extremely powerful and life changing. If you are looking for a Sedona retreat, whether it is for just yourself, you and your daughter, or you and your partner, Sedona Soul Retrieval is a great option for sustainable shifts.
