by Debra | May 10, 2015
My mother passed away when I was 26 years old. It was the most difficult time in my life. I remember thinking, what am I going to do without her, and who will have my back. Even though she was immersed in her own wounding, and had a hard time showing up for me, I knew she was always there. It is an empty space in me without her in my life and feel it most when I am with friends and their mothers, on Mother’s Day or on the day of her birth and death. I have read many books that say no matter what age you lose your mother, it is a loss you never recover from.
I am a mother of two daughters and know that they feel a loss because I am not living close to them. It is a loss for me as well. For all of you with mothers in your life daily, stand in gratitude, you are so lucky. To have a mothers love near, no matter how it is delivered to you is precious.
For all of the mothers in the world, know how special you really are. Being a mother is both joyous and heart breaking. The joy that I have felt as a mother has been from the deepest part of my heart. To look at my daughters and feel our connection, our love, and sometimes our aching hearts is such a gift. Being a mother is loving in the most unconditional way. Giving your child your food even though you’re still hungry, giving up your sweater when you are cold and giving them love when you’re so angry you could spit nails.
I have loved being a mother and miss terribly the absence of my own mother. The loss that comes up in most situations in my life today, even though they aren’t related to my mom. I use these feelings of loss to be more connected to myself and others. To know there are others suffering the loss and send them love and comfort.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the moms out there and here is a piece of my heart to those that have lost their mother. I’m sending my love to all of you on this memorable day.
With Love, Debra
by Debra | May 4, 2015
Happiness seems to be something we are all trying our best to achieve. One way or another we want to:
- Avoid pain and gain pleasure
- Avoid criticism and get praise
- Avoid disgrace and have fame
- Avoid loss and achieve gain
Is it possible to be happy and never be sad?
The problem is, life is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. We can’t experience pleasure without experiencing pain. We are always grasping for feeling good, not bad, and this just isn’t possible living in the real world. Things are going to happen in life that are disturbing and things are going to happen that put a big smile on our face.
In my individual retreat you will learn to see what you are clinging to and what you are trying to avoid. You will get to explore these parts of you that make you suffer, the old beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
What makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad?
I was talking with a client the other day and she was having difficulty with allowing herself to actually just be with her feelings of sadness. First off, she didn’t want to feel them, and secondly she felt weak for having them. Because she had guilt and shame around feeling sad, she would medicate to not feel them. Cleaning her house was her medicator. I can certainly think of worse medicators, but non-the-less it is an avoidance of feeling.
Why are we so opposed to feeling our feelings?
We avoid feeling our feelings because it’s so totally uncomfortable. Our mind goes off into our story, we start feeling crummy, and then it settles in our body. We might get a stomachache, headache, or not be able to eat. The feelings permeate our physical body. This is why we avoid them. There is nothing comfortable about feelings of sadness, loneliness, or hopelessness, etc. Sometimes feelings of anger feel good in the moment because they cover up the real feeling of sadness. Once we are done with our anger we will usually be left with the raw feelings of sadness.
In my individual retreat you get to explore your feelings and why they come up and learn how to be with them without feeling like you might die. Sometimes the feelings are so overwhelming that you will feel like you are dying.
Hence the avoidance!
The problem with avoiding your feelings is you never shift your old belief causing the feelings. So, you might as well get your hands dirty and start looking at your stuff. When we look at what causes the feelings, we give ourselves the attention and care we need to do our healing work and actually diminish the heat that is in the feelings.
Are you ready to make a shift in your life and start facing your feelings? My individual retreat will give you the opportunity to be in a nurturing environment, working one-on-one, shifting your old beliefs, feeling your feelings, and changing your life.
by Debra | Apr 27, 2015
Let’s look at being an adult in your relationships. Whether it be in your partnership, friends, or with your children and how a personal retreat can change your outlooks and reactions to those around you.
How do you behave when you get triggered?
- Do you shut down and walk away?
- Do you yell and spew your anger?
- Do you shut down completely and withhold?
- Do you get so emotional you can’t gather up the pieces?
- Do you defend your position and get lost in your story?
- Do you go into fix-it mode and try to control the situation?
- Do you take all the blame just to have it go away?
- Do you pretend like it never happened and sweep it under the rug?
All of these behaviors are the acts of a little girl and not a mature adult. A mature adult would explore her feelings around the trigger, track where the feelings came from in her childhood, and then share those feelings with the person that triggered her to keep the lines of communication open and keep safety in the relationship.
When you behave like a child with any of the behaviors noted above, it closes down the heart space in the relationship and eliminates any hope for an intimate and close connection. If you haven’t done your work around your woundedness as a child, there is very little hope for you to behave like an adult during an upset/trigger.
During your personal retreat, you will learn all about your childhood wounds, how your little girl behaves when she is triggered, and how to shift the limiting belief in order to behave like a mature adult.
This process is growing the little girl up!
Not only do you behave like a little girl during an upset but also the emotions that run through your body are sometimes overwhelming and hard to ignore. Wouldn’t it be better to be able to look at all upsets from your higher self, which is calm and capable of making a decision, that will bring a win-win solution and keep all parties’ hearts open?
Acting from our higher self and living from our heart is always a much better solution for creating more connected relationships and more peace in the world in general. It is actually shocking how many people get affected by one person acting like a child.
A child is someone who cannot share their feelings maturely. We expect this behavior from children, not grown-ups. It is amazing how many grown people are living through their wounded little child and behaving immaturely.
by Debra | Apr 20, 2015
I remember being in a group workshop when I was 32-years-old where our goal was to overcome our fears. When I enrolled in this powerful group workshop, I had no idea what I was in for.
This was Spiritual Guidance on steroids!
We started out with about 50 people and as the program continued, it dwindled down to 26 scared, intimated, and determined few with strong desires to overcome huge obstacles that had been running their lives.
Fears will run our lives if we let them! How spiritual guidance can control the fear.
We may always have certain fears and if we hear and acknowledge them, that’s okay. But if we act through them, that is another story. Here’s where spiritual guidance plays a role. A typical fear of many people is being embarrassed in front of others. If we can understand why we have this fear and bring compassion to ourselves around it, that would be a loving way to be with ourselves. But, what happens is we do what our little girl/ego is telling us to do or not do; this is where the trouble starts. An example of this might be, I have a fear of speaking in public. Because of what I do for a living, it would be nice for me to be able to go into groups and speak in order to help them. If I let this fear of speaking in public run my life, I wouldn’t go into the world and be of service because I would be afraid of doing something wrong, making a mistake, etc.
Speaking in public used to be a big fear of mine. It still gives me a bit of a twinge, but I never let it stop me from doing it. I would always put myself in situations where I would have to move through those fears so that they wouldn’t own me. This is where the real value of spiritual guidance comes in.
While in this spiritual guidance workshop, I had to do things that would put me face to face with my personal demons. First, I went to a mall and did cartwheels throughout it. Very embarrassing! Then, I went to work and had to speak in front of a group of people, and I decided to get a double-whammy out of it because I decided not to wear make-up. Not wearing make-up was a big fear when I was younger. I didn’t really want to be seen.
So, after a while of making myself continue to walk through these difficult situations, these fears, it became easier and easier. I wouldn’t say I love public speaking, but I can do it without throwing up.
Fears are all about the story our inner child is telling us!
If I get up in front of people and speak, I will do something wrong and people will judge me and I will die. I know this sounds extreme, but our inner child is extreme. We have a choice to either believe the story and act out of that place, or tell the little girl that you understand why she has these beliefs but that you aren’t going to buy into them. Then no matter what, don’t take the action your little girl/ego is telling you.
Our fears come in all different degrees, from little ones that are fairly easy to overcome to huge ones that paralyze us. No matter what size they are, don’t let them run your life. Take control over them and shift the old limiting beliefs around them.
We can be our own spiritual guidance counselor by just staying awake to what stories our inner child is telling us and not acting out of them.
by Debra | Apr 13, 2015
Are you looking for the perfect retreat? Sedona is a great place to come for one because of the healing powers of the Red Rocks.It’s just a matter of picking a retreat that resonates with you. There are a lot of different spiritual retreats in Sedona, Arizona. Picking the one that is perfect for you could be challenging. First make a list of what you are looking for, then call different places up and interview them. Most people that come to my retreats say that they knew after my FREE consult that my retreat was the one for them.
Let’s look a few different ones!
Here is a short list of just a few:
- Individual or group
- Intensive or rejuvenating
- Alone or with your partner
- Silent or interactive
- Touching on core beliefs or going deeper and shifting them
- Yoga
Let’s look at all of these factors and this might help you make a better decision on which one is right for you.
Individual or Group
I have been in many group retreats and workshops, and, although they are great, they never seem to be sustainable. Some of my clients and myself have had similar experiences with group retreats. The experience is very powerful and you feel great when you leave, and then about a week later you always seem to slip back into your old patterns.
This is the main reason why I decided to create and facilitate individual retreats. With one-on-one attention we can get to the core issues faster and actually learn and practice the techniques to solidify the changes in you for sustainable results.
Aren’t sustainable results what we are looking for?
Are you tired of the same patterns resurfacing over and over in your life? Maybe you are looking to really get to know yourself at a much deeper level, to have a complete shift in perspective. An intensive would give you the space to really explore who you are. Are you looking to go deeper into your process and get results fast, that will last? This is not faint-at-heart!
The Sedona Soul Retrieval Retreats are for you if you’re looking to unhook from life because your job, family, or health has taken a toll on you, and you’re looking to come and relax and recuperate. We live in a very high-stimulus world, and sometimes we just need peace and quiet.
My individual rejuvenating retreat is a great time to be alone, unhook from life’s pressures and be pampered through massage, meditation, time on the land, and other relaxing modalities. Spiritual retreats in Sedona, Arizona are known to help the healing process because of its sacred land.
Whether you do either of these retreats alone or with a partner, the results will be totally effective. In all of my retreats you will have moments of silence and interaction. Whatever your needs are, I can create your retreat to fit them.
People have been holding spiritual retreats in Sedona, Arizona because Sedona is known to activate the healing process, offering nurturing and embracing energy for the healing work of the heart. It is great for setting intentions, gaining clarity, and starting new ventures. No matter what your reasoning, it is likely that your spiritual journey will be deepened and you will connect to new and meaningful parts of yourself.
by Debra | Apr 6, 2015
When I am facilitating couples in marital counseling, what I notice the most is that I am really mentoring a little girl and a little boy. That is who shows up for the retreat. I work with clients on the old beliefs that their inner children created and are acting out. The first day of the couples counseling retreat is about seriously looking at those wounded areas that caused the old belief and how they are still living in this little girl or little boy.
Most of my clients are pretty shocked in regards to their behaviors.
When we are acting out of this wounded place, we behave just like a child. If we can’t recognize this pattern, we will never grow up! Usually if you are married to a little boy instead of a grown man, it is a mirror that you too are still a little girl. This is not such a fun awareness to have. I have women who call me about the couples retreat who want their partner to grow up and start being responsible. When I hear this, I start to look for where she is still a child. Usually this behavior is pretty easy to find.
The first behavior of a little girl in relationship with a little boy is that she is looking for him to change to make her feel better. “If he would just be more responsible, our relationship would be much better.” This behavior is making someone else responsible for your happiness. A grown woman knows she is the only one that can be responsible for the way she feels. So, if you are projecting onto your partner to get him to do, say or be different to make you feel better, that is a very childish behavior.
A grown woman knows she is responsible for her own emotional, physical, and financial well-being. She knows that her safety does not lie in anyone else’s hands.
If you ever find yourself in communication with your partner and you are trying to fix him, or defend your position, you are in your little girl. When we try to change our partner or other people, it’s because we feel that we can’t be happy or safe unless they change. This is an old belief and simply not the truth. This is where we can let that inner child know that this is a lie; that our happiness and safety isn’t out there, it is inside of us.
If you find yourself needing to change and fix your partner, marital counseling would completely shift this behavior and allow you to have a more open and loving relationship.
Isn’t being deeply connected to our partner what we truly desire?
by Debra | Mar 30, 2015
There is a lot written about letting go of your ego, diminishing the ego, or shifting limiting beliefs. The ego is our thoughts, the inner child, as well as our limiting beliefs. It’s very true that for us to live more authentically, we will have to let go of our ego and shift our negative limited beliefs.
The work we do through my individual retreats is all about letting go of your Ego, shifting your limiting beliefs, and creating new ways of thinking.
When we are stuck in the chatter of our thoughts, which is the old beliefs we created as a child through our wounds, we will usually react and take the action that our thoughts/inner child tells us to do.
Imagine that you have a 5-year-old running your life. She is making all of your important decisions. Your boss at work gives you an assignment and says, “I hope you can do this in a timely and effective manner.” This comment triggers your little girl, and if she reacts she might say, “What is that supposed to mean? Of course I will be effective. Don’t I always get my projects done on time?” After the conversation is over, she continues to stir about it making up all these stories about how her boss doesn’t like her: how he might be thinking about firing her and that she might want to look for another job. It doesn’t stop there. She goes to another co-worker and begins to tell them what happened and how she might get fired. She creates quite a mess.
That is what our inner child does in our life if we allow her to be in the driver’s seat. Think of a 5-year-old driving a vehicle. It isn’t pretty, is it? Well, it’s not pretty having a child run your life either.
We have to force our child within to grow up.
This is not an easy job because she has been running the show for quite a while.
In my intensive individual retreats, you will learn what your ego/little girl is saying when she is triggered, how she feels about it, what action she wants to take, and how to STOP her dead in her tracks. When we stop buying into what she believes, we will finally begin to shift our old limiting beliefs and start creating a more authentic, peaceful life full of love not fear.
People who have come to my individual retreats say that they have a complete shift in perspective: that the way they view their life is totally different and they say the change is sustainable.
Here is what one of my clients have said:
“Dearest Debra,
There aren’t enough words to express the impact your retreat had on me and my future. I came to you in a very dark, lonely place and within 3 days together, I feel like a new person. My emotional and physical pain is gone and you have given me the tools to maintain this positive sense of self. Debra you are the real deal!
Thank you for your wisdom, guidance and beautiful spirit. Blessings always, Cheryl”
by Debra | Mar 23, 2015
Often when we think of spiritual renewal, we think of it in a religious manner. Spiritual renewal can actually be found in many ways. I look at it as a renewal of your spirit, an opening of your heart, or an awakening of your soul. Each of us has found ways, hopefully, to engage our spirit to live a more alive life!
One of the best ways I have found to stay awake, live in my heart, and keep my spirit dancing is through life experiences. As a culture we are taught that experiences that make us sad, angry, fearful, or anxious, etc. are bad and we should avoid them at all cost. But what if through really feeling our emotions during these tough times brought us to a deepening of ourselves, helping us live a more open, connected, and awake life full of love?
Well, this is exactly what happens when we allow ourselves to be fully present to our emotions, whatever they are, at all times, whether it be viewed as good or bad. What if we were to lean into our feelings and just sit with them and explore them; see how they make our bodies feel; see what stories come up, and notice how we make it to the other side alive?
Through our experiences, the ones we label “bad,” we get to know who we are. Through this understanding of ourselves, we learn to have more compassion for ourselves, and this translates to having more compassion and empathy for others.
Every time I move through my emotions around a trigger, I become more connected to myself. The breakthroughs are life-changing and help me to live more in my heart and not in my head. This is my quest in life, to live from my heart and get out of my head, shifting old beliefs to diminish my ego/little girl.
If you would like to:
- Get to know yourself through life experiences
- Break open your heart
- Live a more passionate, alive, meaningful life
- Experience your spiritual renewal,
Many of my clients came to me feeling like they had no purpose in their life and were in a rut. Maybe this is how you are feeling, or maybe you just want to expand your personal development and learn what your purpose is here. Either way, I can help.
by Debra | Mar 16, 2015
What does your reality look like? Are you content with your job? Your relationships? And how is your health? When we look outside of our life, we will see what kind of thoughts we have inside our heads. I always say, if you are in your mind, watch out! You’re in enemy territory.
How many times have you heard, either through books or movies, that your thoughts create your reality? The movie, The Secret, was a big hit by explaining the Law of Attraction, which states simply that first you ask, then you believe, and you will receive. The Law of Attraction experts stress being very clear about what you are asking for. Then, as you focus on your goals, you will start to believe and to receive. You just have to be open to new possibilities.
REALLY? That’s it?
If that were truly the case in many situations, for myself as well as my clients, things would have played out totally differently.
I remember 10 years ago when the real estate market was ridiculously high and my house was worth almost double what it is now. I thought it would be a great time to sell. Many people in my community had told me how great my house was and that if it was ever on the market, they would want to purchase it. I was ready to make a change, and there was never a doubt in my mind that my house would sell if priced right. So I proceeded to fix things that needed repair and hired one of the best realtors in our area. The agent priced it right and as my excitement grew, I could see myself in another home and someone else loving this home. I had no doubt that my home would sell within 30 days. Well, guess what? I still own it. It was on the market for 2 years and never sold.
Why didn’t my home sell? I asked very clearly for what I wanted. I certainly believed it was going to sell, and I was ready to receive the funds and move to another home. What happened was I ended up getting a loan modification that lowered my payment 4 times lower than what it was. I sold my lot that used to be attached and had it designated as a Bed and Breakfast. So, the universe had another plan for me altogether and ignored what I had asked for because it wasn’t in my best interest.
In my guided retreats:
I will teach you how to know yourself in such a way that you will be able to hear what your heart is telling you. You will be able to hear what the universe is saying and what is in your best interest so that you can flow with your life, not push up against it.
I just saw a great movie called The Power of The Heart where it talked about asking your heart what to do because it always knows long before our minds know. If you check in with your mind, you might get snagged on an old belief, and that advice might be from your ego/little girl.
Through my guided retreats whether it be my intensive, rejuvenating or my couple retreats, you will learn how to live from your heart and listen to your inner guidance. If we are not in our hearts, we are in our fears with all our old beliefs, and creating the life we desire and deserve will be impossible.
by Debra | Mar 9, 2015
Let’s take a look at the differences between a silent meditation retreat and my Sedona Soul Retreat. I think meditation and being silent is very important to our well-being. However, if you are looking to experience dramatic shifts in your limiting beliefs and have sustainable results, you should look into a one-on-one Soul Retreat.
Silent meditation retreats are sitting, walking, eating, or working meditations. Being silent is a great way to see what thoughts are arising and to just be with them. Most all of these silent meditation retreats are done in large groups, which can sometimes be intimidating.
The reason I created Sedona Soul Retreats was because I saw the need for individual attention. I have participated in many group retreats and, although they have been helpful, the changes that occurred rarely stuck. In my Intensive Retreat you will learn:
- To know yourself more deeply
- To start the healing process of your emotional wounds
- To stop blaming the outside world for your hurts
- To shift your old belief system
- To work with your upsets/triggers for a deeper healing
- To live with more passion and happiness
- To have the tools to maintain these shifts
- To learn the importance of forgiveness
All of these tools will help you live a more authentic and passionate life. I remember when I first started doing this work in my late 20’s, I was like an emotional roller coaster bouncing from one trigger to another, totally suffering with each life experience and person that came into my field. After working through shifting many old limiting beliefs of my little girl, or ego,
I watched my life start to unfold in a magical way. I noticed that I was actually triggered less and I was bringing what I wanted into my life more. This is a lifelong process that we must work with daily. This is easy to say, but if you do not have the tools to work with this daily to make the shifts, you are “living unconsciously.”
We have to have the tools!
The tools that I have learned and acquired over my many years of self-development are priceless.
Testimonial
“Through the guidance of God, I was led down a road filled with healing, growth, and love. When I first spoke to Debra, I was a woman that had so much pain that I was unable to truly grasp, or know, how to face it and heal. I always felt that my pain was so clear as I had been through divorce, abandonment, a tragic fire, and so much loss.
Debra is teaching me that all of these things are gifts in order to heal and “do my work” and helping me become aware of how the Universe works. That when things come to us and at us that don’t feel good, it allows us another chance to discover and learn. And that there are no accidents.
In speaking with Debra, I have learned so many things. First and foremost, I am learning that I have a choice!! A choice to discover where I am coming from when I feel anything but bliss. Debra is helping me build a new foundation through discovery and love. My new foundation is based on turning old belief systems and pain into the truth, which is I am beautiful and worthy of love and grace. I am grasping that this truth comes from God and me, not from others. This recording that was going on in my mind throughout every day constantly told me that I was not good enough, that I had no rights. Anytime I reacted, I was reacting from old belief systems from my past. Learning that all of those old recordings were true then but are not true today has been an amazing gift to my journey.
I am healing, and am so excited to cherish my new tools and beliefs for the rest of my journey here. I was unaware that I could evolve to the space I am in today, and I feel hope and excitement that I haven’t felt for years!!!
I am blessed and grateful for Debra as she is a wonderful guide, holding my hand as I am learning and growing and healing.“
-Laura
by Debra | Mar 2, 2015
In my last individual retreat, my client was having difficulties with trying to control her partner. She was always trying to get him to say or do something that would make her or the situation better. Even though she understood where the controlling pattern came from in her childhood, she always found herself acting in a controlling way. This behavior made her feel guilty and triggered her partner.
We all have beliefs that we created when we were young because of certain things that happened to us.
My client had grown up in a family where her father was an alcoholic and she never felt safe. Her need to control situations was very strong so that she could create safety in her life. When she started bringing awareness into this wounded part of herself and looking at the old belief that said, “I have to control my environment to be safe,” she was able to stop herself from reacting when she was triggered.
The key to not reacting is to know your wounding, know what old belief is attached to it, and know it is a lie. Then, the most important part is to not buy into it, to not take the action that buys into the old belief being true.
We have no control over our environment at all, no matter how much we want or need to; we can’t manipulate a situation or person.
That little girl, or ego, really believes she can and that controlling will bring safety. That’s the lie!
During the individual retreat, you will get to know yourself really well and know how your ego/little girl operates. You will also learn how to not react during a trigger, and how to take the right action to shift the old belief by creating a new belief through your higher self.
The reason I prefer individual retreats as opposed to group retreats is because the work we do is deep, and people are less inclined to go really deep in front of a crowd. The work in my individual retreats is sustainable. I have participated in many group workshops and retreats and I always feel amazing right after for about a week. Then, life would happen and I would go right back into my old patterns, and there I’d be again.
Everyone that has been through my Intensive individual retreats has made shifts where they can’t fall back into old patterns. Their way of being in the world is different. It’s not just something they learned in a retreat; it’s a shift in who they are. They find they are showing up in the world differently, organically. Even though they have to practice being present and taking the right actions, they naturally do it differently.
by Debra | Feb 23, 2015
It’s amazing to me how more and more couples are truly interested in creating a more intimate, connected relationship with each other. And, it’s not just the women that have an interest in a deeper relationship but men as well. This is what has caused a real couple’s retreat boom over the past few years.
I actually have more than a few men inquiring about retreats for couples. I believe that men are realizing how important their spiritual growth is. I think they are coming to realize the positive effects on their relationship with their partner as well as in other areas of their life.
When we start to shift our limiting beliefs and taking ownership for our behaviors, our life begins to unfold in a more positive manner. When we look outside of ourselves for our happiness instead of going inward and seeing why we feel and act the way we do, we suffer and cause suffering.
The inner child (ego, thoughts, and old beliefs) inside us is always looking outside to “fix” how he/she feels inside. For example:
“If I could just get him to stop doing that, I would feel better.”
“If my boss were more respectful, I would be happier at work.”
“If I had a bigger house, a newer car, more clothes, I’d feel better about myself.” These are all illusions that cause needless suffering, and they are simply not the truth.
Or, sometimes, the inner child takes everything personally. If someone treats her coldly with a lack of respect, she automatically thinks it’s about her and that she did something wrong. The truth is that no matter how people behave toward you, it’s not about you; it’s their wounding.
When I work with couples, I am always working with them on their own wounding. I help them see where they are projecting and what they are taking personally. Let’s say Coleen has a wound from childhood about not being seen or heard from her parents. Her old belief around this could be, “I’m not important, I’m invisible,” or maybe, “I can’t speak my truth and be loved.”
If her partner doesn’t act interested in something she is saying or doing, this will trigger that wound, and she will take the ignoring behavior personally and really believe that she isn’t important, is invisible, and isn’t lovable. This will cause suffering. The truth is that her partner’s behavior had nothing to do with her; it had everything to do with her partner not being able to be present. That is his wounding and issue to deal with, not hers.
What we must learn is to stop looking outside ourselves for our happiness and stop thinking that other people’s behavior has anything to do with us. That is how we won’t get knocked off balance by the neutral events happening in our world.
When I help couples see this, the triggers around their partner stop carrying so much heat, and the process brings them into a more connected, intimate relationship. Isn’t this what every couple truly wants?
Every couple wants a more intimate relationship where they feel connected!
This is exactly why there is a couple’s retreat boom because ultimately, each partner wants to be closer.
My mother passed away when I was 26 years old. It was the most difficult time in my life. I remember thinking, what am I going to do without her, and who will have my back. Even though she was immersed in her own wounding, and had a hard time showing up for me, I knew she was always there. It is an empty space in me without her in my life and feel it most when I am with friends and their mothers, on Mother’s Day or on the day of her birth and death. I have read many books that say no matter what age you lose your mother, it is a loss you never recover from.
